MEET JANET LONG – DIVINE DISCLOSURE
by Genevieve Kineke
Janet Long is a writer and researcher on issues concerning family, faith, and health. She has worked as a facilitator in elementary schools in New Jersey for the Child Assault Prevention program (NJCAP) and in local hospitals as a member of SART, the Sexual Assault Response Team. She is presently on the Advisory Board at Restoration 199, a non-profit organization serving survivors of complex trauma in the DC Metro area.
Genevieve: You were married and you had a daughter and tragically in 2003, your world was turned upside down.
Janet: My daughter disclosed to the priest connected with her teen youth group that she was being abused by her father. It had been happening ever since she could remember. So she suffered years of abuse that I knew nothing about.
When Fr. John called and told me about my daughter’s disclosure, I dropped the phone. I just… dropped into the abyss… Then I could hear his voice coming up at me from the floor: “Pick up the phone, Jan. Jan, please pick up!” So, I did and said, “What do I do?” Without hesitating, he said, “Go to the police.” Then I said, “Yeah, okay, that’s right.”
Genevieve: In your book, you quote from Psalm 69, which says, “I am sunk in the abysmal swamp, where there is no foothold.” What spiritual footholds did you begin to find?
Janet: Believe me, my heart and my mind were traumatized. But I did go right away to the police and the detective I knew there was a member of our parish. So, these things were put into place by Divine Mercy, just giving me one footstep after the other so that I could carry out what I needed to do.
The detective gave me the number to call the local Rape Crisis Center immediately, right from his office. I asked the hotline worker, “What do I say to her? How do I face her?” And she very calmly said, “The first thing you say is that you believe her.” And I said, “Okay, I can do that.”
I was given the grace to hear the voice of truth from that woman. It was the Holy Spirit, the Consoler, guiding me with his undeniable peace, just giving me the next step. Don’t worry about anything else, I thought, just do the next step.
So, I drove about 60 miles that night in a car borrowed from a friend and arrived where my daughter was staying early the next morning. I went to her side and gently woke her up. I told her I believed what she said to Fr. John the day before.
Her reaction was immediate rage and denial. “I don’t know what you’re talking about! Get away from me!” I was completely blindsided. I was frightened and confused by her.
I learned later that her response that morning was typical. When anyone who has been hurt by sexual violence is directly confronted with the truth, we are often petrified and deeply ashamed. It doesn’t matter whether it’s the survivor or the perpetrator or both. The reaction is the same. Why? We are shocked at hearing what is true. It’s a truth that we don’t have any words to answer. Only anger and denial.
Genevieve: This is a tragedy. It’s a trauma. It’s a crisis. It’s an upending of an entire family. What practical things did you find helpful at that time?
Janet: I had a faith background of attending Life in the Spirit Seminars in various parishes beginning when my daughter was young. These seminars teach us how to activate the gifts of the Holy Spirit within us. We receive these graces at our Baptism. Participating in intercessory prayer with others as we did in the Seminars is a core method of deepening our awareness of the Holy Spirit. This reliance on the Holy Spirit had become an unconscious ‘Go To’ over time.
My history of attending prayer sessions included receiving individual prayer asking for specific healing from the Lord. The result of this prayer is often a freeing from the oppression we suffer from negative spirits that have attached themselves to us through our unhealed wounds. God built up my spiritual strength as I listened to the inspired prayer of others for me. This prayer included hearing words of Knowledge (a gift of the Holy Spirit) or Wisdom from a scripture passage. God’s Word is alive!
Genevieve: So, over a decade later, you have written a book about this tragedy Divine Disclosure: Spiritual Healing After Sexual Violence. But there remains a delicacy about the topic. How do you set the parameters about what should and shouldn’t be said?
Janet: During my ten plus years of writing and research, I knew I had a story to tell that was not my daughter’s story or the perpetrator’s. It was mine. But I also tried to be patient in order to hear what the Lord wanted to say about sexual violence. That was what I truly wanted to put out there.
In my research, I found brief mentions of people labeled non-offenders. These are people who, according to survivors, had no part in the harm. Non-offenders are the third group involved in sexual violence cases. I wrote my book as a non-offender, as well as a mom and a former wife. Serious sin steals our identity.
Genevieve: How did you keep hatred or rage from seeping into your life at that time or even since?
Janet: For a long time, I wasn’t able to do that. One wise priest who counseled me said, “strong negative sins are connected to strong negative spirits.” Well, the devil has a rage and a darkness that doesn’t end. When I recognized the hatred in myself, it scared me to death. I had to get serious about healing.
I didn’t have the grace to protect myself, but I knew the sacraments of confession and the Eucharist did. Kneeling there to receive these sacraments, I was often overwhelmed by the fact that I couldn’t stop the deep distress in myself. This brought me to the edge of despair. I knew that I had to stay on my knees begging God, pounding against heaven to scoop me up and put me under the shield of the Holy Spirit’s wings, which in fact is what God does.
Genevieve: So beautiful. I’d like to end with love. And we know that love in its own way can wound, but love can heal. What advice do you have for those who are afraid to love, especially after abuse?
Janet: God’s mercy is so mysterious and so deep and all we need do is just ask Him to open the doors wide so that we can slip inside it. So think about how wonderful it’s going to be as He unfolds that mystery of love as a wounding but also a renewing force.
That is the love we share in community — a community activated by the guidance of the Holy Spirit. That’s what builds us up. Christ was wounded and died, and yet it’s the opening of His heart that envelops all our wounds so we can love others. Not with our love, but with His, coming through us to others. Through our faith and trust in Him.
